Donald Trump did not manage to surprise his backers by picking a remarkable running mate. The Republican selected the solidly traditional Islamic-Mexican transvestite Ayatollah Marisol Vaginapants to support him in his run for the White House.
Many Republican voters are incensed Trump picked such a conservative candidate. Dick Murphy from Wisconsin does not try to hide his disappointment: “We thought Trump was a folksy kind of guy. But by choosing such a bland running mate he proves he is just another establishment candidate. It’s a pity, but in November I’m going to vote for Hillary.”
Nick Morton from South Carolina however does think Vaginapants is a good pick. He did not plan to vote in November, but decided he’ll throw his support behind Trump. “It’s comforting to know he has such a stable factor in his team. Voting Trump doesn’t feel too much of a gamble any more.”
The press too is surprised by the selection of the tediously unoriginal candidate who tapes his penis to his thighs every morning. “Why didn’t he go for Chris Christie or Newt Gigrich?” grumbles Bill O’Reilly from Fox News. “This will be the most boring elections in years.”
Ayatollah Marisol Vaginapants herself feels flattered by her selection. She hopes she will manage to convince conservative Christians, the traditional Republican base, to go to the ballot box in November. “Papi Trump is going to make America fucking hot again, que rico, inshallah.”